Premise Script V1- Draft

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This is the first iteration of the story for my premise project. At first I thought I would do a story based on making gold, as that was the action my character was doing in my Character Design project. However I thought a pilot episode where the character makes his sidekick character. I'm also considering writing the gold making episode as an additional episode. The reason why is because I'd like to do my project as a pitch in order to get this show made into a real tv show.

I definitely know there are some things that need changing, especially since this is the first draft of this script.
Also I'm hoping that the writing of the script will help me come up with a name for the show, something which I am struggling with at the moment.

Comments

  1. Alan Postings29 March 2019 at 11:01

    Hi Ollie - Overall, not a bad start. However, if you boil the story down, what is it about - An Alchemeist that attempts to make the best pet ever, but the 'by-product' becomes the best pet ever instead? Is that correct? If that is true then that story is your 'A story' and has a clear resolution. What doesn't have a resolution is the rest of the story components - the town, the monster, guards, and the Queen. You introduce them all but then we don't see them again. However, if you bring them all together into a 'B story' then it makes more sense in relation to Talb. For example, if the Queen is just nasty to the Talb, the payoff could be that at the end we see the Queen (in silhouette) being carried over the town by the 'Monster' chased by her guards. That would really make it the 'best pet ever'. It gives Talb an 'innocent/clumsy/lucky/always wins by accident' personality too. When you're writing a story if you establish something, give it a reason to be there and a resolution. Does that make sense? (write a reply below to confirm)

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    Replies
    1. Ollie Thacker29 March 2019 at 12:47

      Yes, the story is about the alchemist making what he thinks the best pet, but the byproduct of it is the actual best pet.
      I agree that the other story components don't really have a conclusion. After posting what I had, I realised that there could be more interaction between the characters. I'm thinking something along the lines of the queen's guards finding the pair and explaining that cats cannot be kept in the castle because of the queen's allergies, or the pet ends up interacting with the queen in some way, perhaps messing up her room like a dog or cat would.
      I should have probably written the script in a way that introduces the characters more as well as other characters that would make an appearance in later episodes of the show.

      Delete
  2. Alan Postings29 March 2019 at 11:02

    (typo) the Talb = Talb

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  3. Alan Postings29 March 2019 at 11:10

    Note: To be clear, you can't use any work from character design. The goal for this project is to use your previous submission as a springboard to create an 'in-depth' character bible for Talb. The same is true for all of the other characters and places. Including, creating an animatic (primary goal) to prove your story works and creating 3D work to explore your ideas in 3D.

    See the example character bible below...

    https://issuu.com/krissy.botinova/docs/artof.pptx/40

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  4. Công ty dịch thuật chuyên nghiệp MIDtrans1 April 2019 at 05:57

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