Fantastic Voyage Script
The Adventures of the Chloro-Pals by Ollie Thacker on Scribd
Premise Script V1- Draft
Premise Script v1 by Ollie Thacker on Scribd This is the first iteration of the story for my premise project. At first I thought I would do a story based on making gold, as that was the action my character was doing in my Character Design project. However I thought a pilot episode where the character makes his sidekick character. I'm also considering writing the gold making episode as an additional episode. The reason why is because I'd like to do my project as a pitch in order to get this show made into a real tv show. I definitely know there are some things that need changing, especially since this is the first draft of this script. Also I'm hoping that the writing of the script will help me come up with a name for the show, something which I am struggling with at the moment.
Morning Ollie - so yes, this format is much more immediate and to the point. We have a 'Goldilocks' model on the course - you know, when the porridge isn't too hot or too cold, but 'just right' ... I think that it's likely the client will ask you for more educative content here - i.e. that you express the principles in a clear way in some format that makes the information more instantly 'recognisable' to the curriculum etc. I think this version is much improved on your previous epic, but in reducing it as you have, I think something content is missing (so the porridge isn't quite at the the perfect temperature yet). One bit of advice would be to change the names of your characters so they include their original names more obviously - for example 'Captain Carbon' - as opposed to The Ashen Avenger - what this means is that young people revising from your film won't have to also remember what our hero personifications mean - The Glucose Golem is more powerful/memorable/useful for just including the word 'Glucose'. It's as I've said to a few students - the metaphor you're using must be subordinate to the information you're trying to get across - not the other way around. For example, in terms of other content on screen, finding a way to get the chemical symbols on screen as part of your character's introductions? I want you to think about you revising from your own animation and what you'd need/want from it in addition to the fun idea of them being this team of heroes. This is already much improved in terms of the 'do-ability' of this idea - but think now about opportunities to up the 'useful-ness' too.
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